Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Wrestling with Life

After reading back through my previous posts I was reminded of the beauty of documenting life through this little blog. It's so good for my heart to re-read just how far I have come over the past year & to see the life changing events that have taken place, whether those are just daily life tasks or major life milestones. It's just so easy to forget those details  in the midst of new journeys &/or trials. So, here I am again... attempting to blog and document life! 

To be completely honest, I find myself in a season of self-discovery and acceptance. A stay at home mom to two little ones and pregnant with the biggest surprise of our life, I constantly have to remind myself daily, that this IS God's plan and it's all for a reason. This pregnancy has not been easy, physically, mentally, or emotionally. But it's happening during one of the toughest times for many around us, reminding us of God's blessing on our family. We're learning to love, grieve, process, and accept things we never imagined and it's so tough, yet so good for our ever-changing hearts & souls. This is life. And this is what life is about. Growing, changing & loving...

I'm continually asking myself "who am I" and "just where do I fit in..."! I'm sure every mom has wrestled with these questions, but they're starting to form the whirlwind of life I'm currently in and it's rather overwhelming. So, this is me reminding myself, I don't have to have it all together and most likely never will, but being real and vulnerable is usually a good place to start! 

So, as of now, I'm 23 weeks pregnant with Autumn Grace, our biggest surprise. We thought we were done having kids after two, simply bc we had such a rough time with Ivy as a newborn (so much depression & exhaustion left us drowning). When we felt like we finally started to get a handle on life again, that was exactly when God threw us the curve ball of finding out we were pregnant (while on birth control & before Ivy even turned 1).  After several weeks of this sinking in, we thought we lost Autumn because of some complications, but she has proven to be a fighter! God has given us peace & grace during the processing time for all of it to sink in. And now we are so eager to meet her in February... Ivy has just started walking this week at 16 months old and has entered a stage of cuteness, that is just heart-melting, with her talking & understanding so much more. This has been a breath of fresh air from her previous phase, her very unhappy infant phase. Zeek is still such a sweet big brother with the most tender heart, but just as rambunctious & my lil super-hero fighting, dirt loving boy! I love watching how sweet he is talking about and informing everyone of miss Autumn Grace in my belly. Jonny is really enjoying his job these days, but it does come with some tough situations that make relationships & life difficult (cancer, death, divorce, sin, etc.)! But God is good & is constantly giving us both understanding, peace, & grace during these times! ... That's where we are, living in constant grace and love trying to process life as best as we can! 

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